when you're 30...

When you're 30, it's never really how you pictured it when you were 13. The high-profile, high-paying job might be non-existent. The jetsetting, glamorous lifestyle might still be a dream. The picture perfect house is perfect...in a photograph, but it's not your own. 

When you're 30, you acquire a few practical skills and things: how to stay up till 3am to book that cheap (read: P700 two-way) flight to SG, where to find the most inexpensive but trendy blouses / accessories in DV, how to clean an entire bathroom with a bar of soap and an old toothbrush, how to stay awake on an ordinary bus at midnight,  how to talk to government employees so they fast track your documents, or which foundation best suits you so your skin looks absolutely flawless. 

When you're 30, you've seen enough of the world but there's still so much more to explore. The world map is not just a poster on your 5th grade classroom, it's YOUR map now. You can go anywhere, explore anything; everything is at your fingertips. But no matter what city you visit, you will always, always long to go back to that congested, old city you grew up in. 

When you're 30, you've met enough people to 'know' people. Some people will rub you the wrong way the first time you meet them. Be wary of them. Instincts are usually right on these things. But there are people you meet and your initial conversation will start a spark that will continue to burn for a  lifetime. Hold on to these people. Your instinct is probably right on that one.

When you're 30, you truly understand the value of family. No friendship, colleague or 'barkada' can ever replace them.   

When you're 30, you realize that people are unpredictable. You can never put them in a box and expect them to act the same way all the time. People will disappoint you, no matter how much you think you know a person. They will break your heart and not meet your expectations. But then again, you probably do the same thing to them, one way or another. No one is perfect anyway. Forgive, forgive, forgive. Even when you feel its unfair and you don't understand why you need to do it. Most especially when you feel like that. 

When you're 30, you've experienced triumphs that will make you feel on top of the world. The winning 'hangover' will probably only last overnight (or a week if you really stretch it) though before you start itching for the next goal. You've also experienced defeats that made you question your ability and your purpose. You will cry in defeat, oh yes you will. But no matter how many defeats you experience, what is most important is that you get up and start over again. Nothing defeats losing than standing up again to try. 

When you're 30, you appreciate even more the importance of laughter. Life is too short to be taken seriously all the time. Give yourself a break and laugh at your mistakes. Chances are, after a few years, you will laugh about it anyway. 

When you're 30, you are thankful you met a man who looked deeply in your heart and knew all about you and loved you still. He knew you before you were ever conceived and had a plan for you. He made you in His image and that means you are fearfully and wonderfully made. He was able to do exceedingly abundantly more than what you can ever ask or imagine. If you get another 30 years with this man,  consider yourself blessed indeed. 

almost

2011 was a year of 'almosts' for me: almost thirty, almost studied abroad, almost published a book, almost moved to the 'suburbs,' almost had a breakdown (of wait, i think that DID happen :)) )  etc etc. Plans were made; plans slowly unravelled.

I started 2011 with a very blank slate. Unlike the previous years where no major overhauls happened in my life, this year was quite different. All I knew then that I was about to leave my job of five years with no certainty of a new job. The scholarship I pursued for over a year remained ever elusive. My family was on the brink of moving down south and I was about to become homeless :))

Yet in the midst of all of the changes, God remained the ever constant being in my life. He is always faithful and true to his word. Joshua 21:45 said, "Not one of all the LORD’s good promises to Israel failed; every one was fulfilled."

Things have certainly not gone according to my plans but it was all worth it. God's sovereignty prevailed and it was so much better that what I could have planned or imagined.

If there is one event that perfectly captures my 2011, it would be my Danao Plunge: https://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1757301612688

Taking that plunge scared the hell out of me and I thought it would be my end. But it turned out to be one of the best things that ever happened to me, same as 2011. I thought that this year would be a year of uncertainty but it turned out to be one of the best years of my life :)

Thank you to everyone who made my 2011 so awesome. I can't wait to take the 'plunge' once more for an exciting 2012.

Oh! The Places I'll Go!

Oh! The Places I'll Go! 

the delicacies I will eat

the sweets that tingle my teeth...

the people i will meet

we'll greet on the cobbled street...

the cheap air fares i will avail

that will lead me to different trails...

the mountains i will climb

i hope i will not be covered in grime...

the beaches i will explore

oh! they are never a bore! 

Oh! The Things I'll Do! 

the 'scholarship' experience

"We regret to inform you that you are not among the candidates selected to receive a scholarship this year."

And with that simple sentence, my yearlong pursuit for a scholarship and to study abroad ended. Three different scholarships. Three different organizations and applications. Same result. For some  reason, scholarships do not agree with me. 

I knew it was coming. I knew where I was called to be and yet it didn't soften the blow. It was still painful to see everything you planned for a year go crumbling down. 

People might view this experience as a complete and utter disaster for me. Imagine draining your savings on applications, exams and mailing services. For a time, FED-EX became a part of my weekly routine. One document had to be mailed abroad every week! 

And yet one thing sustained me through it all: 

I am confident of this: 

I will see the goodness of the Lord 

in the land of the living. 

Wait for the Lord;

be strong and take heart

and wait for the Lord. (Psalm 27:13-14) 

The Lord has been faithful for the past 28 years of my life. He will be faithful to bring to completion the things he has started in me. It may not have ended the way I originally planned it, but I do know that the best days are still to come. I will continually wait for the Lord :D 

signs i'm getting old

September is fast approaching and I am hit with the sudden realization that I am turning a year old, again.  I use to look forward to my birthday. I remember how I couldn't wait to turn 13 and  become a teenager. 13 means more movies to watch since I am no longer restricted with the PG movies.  I anticipated my 21st birthday and officially become an adult. But for the past few years, I seem to 'dread' my birthday.  They say age is just a number, but why does it matter so much? As I experience my own Return of Saturn, here are a few insights on getting older (hopefully a little wiser):

1. You long for the 'good old days'  - I never did understand what those 'good old days' the elderly used to refer to. Was it a magical place I get to visit when I reach a certain age? Then I got old and I found myself wishing for the 'good old days.' What is it exactly? For me, those were the days when kids played outside, getting dirty after school and not stuck in front of a monitor chatting to an 'avatar'. It was the time when dancing in the rain was the norm instead of avoiding it for fear of acid rain. The good old days was the time when a movie ticket was P18 and I could watch a movie every week. Oh how I miss those days!

2.  Metabolism is no longer your friend - As you get older, exercise becomes even more important.  Suddenly, every single bite of pizza or cake will haunt you for the rest of the year if you don't jump on the treadmill or run that extra mile.

3. Bills are now mailed to you, not your parents - When I was young, 'bill' was a name of a person, not an envelope that arrives at your doorstep. The older you get, the more bills you have to deal with: electricity, water, phone, credit cards, DSL, rent, insurance, pension, the list goes on. I remember a scene in Shopaholic when Becky threw an unopened envelope from her bank in a cement mixer hoping that it will all go away. Not the most "adult" thing to do but I'm sure we've all been tempted to do it at one point in our lives.

  

4. Wave Back Wednesdays is one reason you love the middle of the week - Not just Wave Back but any station that plays 'old' music. I love the new artists that came out in this millenium (Paramore, Sara Bareilles or Kings of Leon etc) but I have to admit, I'm a 90's baby through and through. I remember Justin Timberlake as a curly blond lad from N Sync. Before Wyclef Jean decided to run for president in Haiti, he was a member of Fugees with Lauryn Hill and cousin Pras. Green Day first broke into the music scene with Dookie. Boy bands, British and American, not Korean, ruled the scene. Mariah still had her natural curly hair and of course, Nirvana ruled the world. *Sigh, I miss 90's music.

5. Glasses (you can't live with them, you can't live without them) - I use to dream of wearing glasses. Back when I still had 20/20 vision, I thought it was so cool to wear glasses. I was in elementary then and I remember some of my classmates wearing fake glasses. I wanted one but my mom didn't think it was the smartest idea. Yeah right, what was I thinking?! Now, I can't stand five minutes in front of the computer without getting a headache. I want my 20/20 vision back.

6. You catch yourself saying the exact same 'sermons' your parents told you - I promised myself I would never, ever, EVER say those lines that my mom use to tell me. But then your patience runs out and you suddenly realized that you just repeated the exact same sermon you've heard from your mom a million times.  What happened?!

7. People who met you for the first time refer to you as Ate / Kuya ________ - I hate this when it happens. You get introduced to someone for the first time and right off the bat, they start calling you Ate _______. I appreciate the fact that they added that polite term. But it just gets to you sometimes. 

8. One word: FUTURE - One thing I love when I was younger, I never think about the future. Okay, maybe I do think about it a little, like what job I would have or what places I would visit. But I never thought about it seriously. I was too consumed with my friends and my favorite artists to worry about the future. Heck, I didn't even worry what college to go to back then. But as you get older, the future consumes you. What are your long term career plans? Stay here in the Philippines or move abroad? Do you have a retirement plan?

waiting seems to be the hardest word

Waiting is a normal occurrence in our lives. We wait for our turn, barely awake, early in the morning as our siblings use the bathroom. We wait in the comfort of our cars or in the suffocating heat of the jeep as we traverse the perpetual traffic in EDSA. We wait in line at the canteen every lunch time while our stomachs growl and the sweet aroma of food teases our senses. We wait, and wait, and wait, for that last day of c

lasses when we can finally enjoy the carefree days of summer.  We even wait, with great anticipation, for the announcement of the next American Idol. Waiting is very much a part of our lives. 

But how come it never gets easier? As you get older, just seems to get harder. Notice how we lose our patience easily as you approach your twilight years. It doesn't help either that we live in the world of the NOW. We want things immediately. We bang our keyboards if our high-speed internet fails to open the website in less than three seconds. We complain and whine in desperation whenever fast food delivery isn't 'fast' enough.  We buzz incessantly when our IM buddy/chat mate fail to respond immediately. We fail to realize the beauty in waiting since all we've ever known is the urgency of the now.

Waiting is an art, and like any form of art, we need to learn from the Master if we want to truly 'master' it. 

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. - Psalm 27:14

It takes true courage to wait for the Lord. To fully surrender your will to God and wait, patiently, as he shows you the way, one step at a time, takes true courage. You never know what will happen in the next step. You do not know what obstacles or enemies are lurking behind the corner. You have no control to what will happen next. All you have is the assurance that the Lord will be with you and He will never forsake you. Humility is another ingredient to master the art of waiting. We are comfortable in the idea that God is the one who drives the wheel. All we have to do is wait and listen to his instructions.

I wait for you, O LORD; you will answer, O Lord my God. - Psalm 38:15